First of all I want to say that I don’t appreciate you. I don’t like to count my spoons. I don’t like to cancel my plans. I don’t like to miss out on social events. I don’t like that my kids have to understand you. I don’t like that my husband can’t fully have me whenever he wants or whenever I want. I don’t like that I can’t eat whatever I want, or workout how I want. Hell, I just can’t do what I want. I have to consider you, every single time! You annoy the piss out of me!
Yes, I am a woman that believes in Jesus Christ. I know that He can and will do all things. I walk by faith and not by sight. I trust that He is my strength every day, and I have to lean on it. But oh there are days, lots of days, when I just want to do it. I want to be “normal”. I don’t want to be looked at with pity from others. I don’t want people to tell me what I can and can not do. Or for them tell tell me what I should or should not be doing. I don’t want to cry for no reason. I don’t want to cry because I just can’t do it.
There are days when I can’t put a mask over how crappy I feel. How every single joint and muscle in my body aches. The pain my heart feels physically and emotionally. The pain in my organs. The pain oh the dang pain! I’m not trying to give you any glory lupus, because frankly, you don’t deserve it. The glory always goes to God my Father! He is seeing me through each day. This letter is to let you know that in the end, even through my tears that I am crying, you will not win!
I will continue to claim my healing even on the worst of what seems the worst days! And for anyone else that has to deal with you or any other type of chronic illness, you don’t win with them either. I am praying for them and believing for them, in Jesus name!
So even though, today is a REALLY bad day, you can kick ROCKS!
P.S. And to my fibromyalgia, asthma, and R.A….the same goes for you too!